Homer No. 715 not such a big whoop: As Barry Bonds passed Babe Ruth on the career home-run list, a Ruth family member found the Bonds’ feat less than awe-inspiring. “What’s so great about passing a guy who hadn’t had an at-bat for almost 70 years and if alive today would be over 110 years old?” asked great niece, Ruth Ruth. “What’s Bonds going to do next? Beat Jesse Owens in a foot race?” Driver, move that school bus!: In an effort to revitalize its battered image to combat Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s efforts to take over Los Angeles Unified School District, the L.A. school board has hired “Extreme Makeover Home Edition’s” Ty Pennington to battle the mayor’s obvious public-relations advantage. “Before anything else, they have got to get rid of all that facial hair,” said Pennington. “Vandykes are so ’50s. Next, we knock down the mayor’s City Hall office and replace it with a nice split-level.” Mayor deals from the bottom: You know it’s war when Villaraigosa issues an LAUSD deck of cards complete with pictures of Roy Romer and school board members on the back of each card. “It’s not exactly a whole deck,” said an anonymous representative from the Mayor’s Office. “We just look at it as a bad hand.” Small favors: Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani both gave birth last week, and in a joint statement, both babies lauded their parents’ efforts, thanking God that they didn’t open their eyes to find Britney Spears was their mom. Thank you, General Math: The Pentagon announced the long-awaited decrease in our Iraq troop levels, with total military deployment going from 135,000 to 136,500. “That’s a reduction of a minus 1,500,” said one anonymous Defense Department official. “Keeping promises isn’t all that easy. Math is.” Katie Couric says goodbye to “Today show”: In a desperate attempt to keep from losing the all-important adorable quotient necessary to keeping the morning show’s now cute-barren ratings from falling off the chart, Matt Lauer has agreed to have his scalp bobbed. I don’t get the big deel:cq Who can question the excitemintcq or drama of children spelling wurdscq?cq Not ABC, which broadcast The Nationel Spelling Bea final rowndcq this past Thursday. What I don’t get is why spelincq is so importentcq. Hurricanes ready to do a heckuva job: The U.S. Weather Bureau is expecting a severe weather season. Federal Emergency Management Agency officials say the lengthy advance notice will make for a much more difficult job to ignore the warnings. A little late: Katharine McPhee will be having her hair grayed and move to a small southern town. Cover blown: The Supreme Court decided that federal whistle-blowers will no longer be afforded the legal defense they once were. Meanwhile, those choosing the fluegelhorn will still receive 24-hour police protection. Two out of three: In an attempt to bring back customers, Ford Motor Co. said nearly all its 2006 vehicles will be eligible for zero-percent financing and $1,000 worth of gas (or two tankfuls, whichever comes first). Problem is … the car you get is still a Ford. Police step over the line: A man who had just been released from Mission Community Hospital in San Fernando stole a Los Angeles Fire Department ambulance, leading police on a merry chase on the Golden State Freeway. The American Civil Liberties Union has announced it will sue the LAPD for impersonating an attorney. Serious reminder to get involved: Remember to vote this Tuesday. Otherwise, the choices will be made for you, which makes you ineligible to complain about the results. And how much fun would that be? Steve Young is author of “Great Failures of the Extremely Successful” (www.greatfailure.com). AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MORE11 theater productions to see in Southern California this week, Dec. 27-Jan. 2160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set!